Working with your Spouse..

Well, Valentines is in the air and I thought it would be a good time to share all the fun that comes with working with your spouse. That being said, Jeremy also works outside of the farm.. so our experience of building a business and starting the farm together is much different from someone working side-by-side with their spouse everyday, all day. But that doesn’t mean it is any easier…

To begin with, Jeremy and I are both stubborn, bull headed, type A, particular and most days tired. So we are far from perfect when it comes to working together. There are days when we are on point, see eye-to-eye, work smoothly, enjoy our time working together. But there are also days when we can hardly stand to look at each other without ripping each others heads off, those days we typically put as much space between us as possible and work on separate projects. We aren’t experts, we make plenty of mistakes and don’t always respect each other when arguing or having an issue, but that’s okay. Our goal is the same, our drive is in the same direction and that helps on the days when working together is really hard… and there are plenty of hard days but good ones too!

The business side of our farm developed after years of us just learning HOW to farm, so for years much of our working together was also learning together. What I learned about my husband when we started this farm was that we both learn in very different ways. Jeremy is a researcher, he wants to see people WHO do it, read HOW they do it, see their personal experiences and lessons and then build his own ideas from that. I however am a google and rabbit hole type person, I want to read from articles and experts the WHY of things. This sometimes can be an interesting issue when we are doing something new or trying to figure out how to handle a given situation. Jeremy will see someone do something successfully that I read you absolutely shouldn’t do.. Sometimes we go all in with what he sees, sometimes my research causes consideration to what he wants to do.. We both have to consider each side and try not to be so concrete in our theories. I will say, there are times we learn the hard way, well do something the other suggests just to see if it will fail.. it’s both of our stubborn ways of not wanting to say the other is right. Now, were a little more seasoned.. we’ve faced some hurdles together and seen the other side… I have learned to trust his process, understanding he is a learn through action type... and if it works great! If it doesn’t, lets try it a different way.. either way we have to come up with a solution, so we try to just get the outcome were wanting, regardless of whose idea worked.

A big thing we had to learn to navigate was stress. Farming can be very stressful, animals are unpredictable, things happen regardless of how well you have planned and on top of that add starting a business from scratch… yeah we have our stressful days. And to be very honest, neither one of us handle stress well. But after years of arguments and anger, we have learned to give each other space. Swallow our pride, one of us has to remain calm, even when it feels impossible. We try to identify and TALK about stressful situations BEFORE we get in the middle of it. Sure there are unpredictable moments but for example when were moving animals, we talk about what each of us will do, talk about what will stress us out. Knowing what each of us finds stressful is really helpful when were in the middle of it.

Working together also means we both have to know our “roles”. I don’t want that to sound “old fashioned” by any means but, especially with me being pregnant, there are just things I could not do. Jeremy had to be in charge of certain things while I took lead on others. These roles have continued with our growing business. Jeremy is the king of the animals, I help when I can, but when it comes to what needs to be done and how, he is the ultimate decision maker. Yes we discuss things but he is the one dealing head on with many things so its not really my place to disrupt his flow. I, especially recently, have taken charge of all of the back end part of our farm. Websites, orders, customer service, scheduling, ordering, selling, inventory... I do it all. That doesn’t mean we don’t HELP each other, we both help in any way we can… but we have to respect each others energy in each of our given jobs.. helping does not mean taking over.

I think lastly and most importantly with working together I have realized… WE CANNOT READ EACHOTHERS MIND! Everyone knows “communication is key” and no one is perfect but one thing I cant stress enough is I cannot read his mind and he cannot read mine. Yes we know each other very well, we have been together going on 15 years and we can easily assume what each of us is thinking or feeling but you know what they say when you assume… Instead, even when it feels really hard or dumb to say, we have to SAY what were thinking or feeling. That doesn’t mean it will avoid the argument but it will get it out there. Neither Jeremy or I like to ask for help and often times communicating how were feeling is just as hard but this is probably one of the biggest things we try to manage. TELLING each other what is in our heads even when it feels silly or unnecessary.

Working together has its perks, there is nothing better then accomplishing a hard days work side-by-side and it has taught us a lot about each other. It absolutely has changed our marriage. I see Jeremy in a very different light then before we started farming and building a business. We depend on each other more then ever. We are also each others biggest supporter and toughest critics, there is no one more honest then your spouse and neither one of us are afraid to critique the other but on the other hand when your spouse tells you “you did a great job” it’s the best pat on the back you can get! Overall, we wouldn’t have it any other way, we love each other and through it all we know even on the hard days there is no one else we would want this life with.

Anyone else have experiences working with their spouse? I would love to hear your thoughts, share in the comments below!

Until next time,

-Elizabeth